Words Build Reality.
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If you can sway the most powerful reality, be it tyrant or virus or asteroid—you have the power.
When we're all rooted in reason and rationale, we are more deeply and honestly connected and better positioned to hold each other accountable, reinforcing each other as brothers and sisters in Reality, struggling toward that critical mass that sways us out of danger and onward to the evolutionary edge.
vygotsky
An acquaintance recommended Marshall B. Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication.
I wasn't so sure based on the cover font or title, but this book ended up changing my life in significant and substantial ways. It helped me articulate, not only literally, but also metaphorically—my thoughts, my reality.
Words Build Reality. Thoughts become words become action become habit become Future. <==This is probably the most verdant seed I took from this book, and one I later discovered is as ancient as the Upanishads. It's just pointing out a pre-existing reality, but one that is so helpful and so empowering—we have a powerful lever, dial, wheel on Reality; another powerful tool in our belt.
And we need to practice and exercise with our tools and powers so that we're strong and confident in all future battles, big and small.
"Try," for example, is an oft-used word and idea—but it means something specific that we don't always mean when we use it. But by putting that brick, which is not structurally sound in this specific instance, into the foundations that we are building, we weaken our structure of thought—which consequently weakens our Futures in major and minor ways that are both significant.
This is more than The Secret—this is a simple, demonstrable, poignantly apparent and repeatably testable truth. We have some choice in how we feel and how we act, and healthy exercise of that choice results in a powerful discipline. One that we must diligently, tenaciously and collaboratively build.
When we say "try" when we actually mean *work,* we undermine our efforts and diminish our intention and commitment to the project at hand. Sure, sometimes we try and fail—and in that instance "try" is the more accurate word tool. But when we're actually *working* at something, and we repeatedly tell ourselves and each other that we're merely "trying" ... then we're selling ourselves and each other short. We're taking energy and ownership and determination out of our sails unnecessarily and counter-productively. Whereas, when we say that we are *working* toward something, we congratulate and celebrate our dedication, courage and tenacity. We discipline ourselves—physically, spiritually and intellectually.
We really are the superheroes—it all depends on us, and we all depend on each other. We have more strength in connection than division, and we must look for every chance to bridge the gap, to come together + connect in curiosity, unite in wonderstanding + build toward a stronger and more sustainable future.
Communication, especially communication on emotional issues and in emotional situations, is one of our greatest tools and opportunities to bridge these gaps, find our shared curiosity, our shared common ground and start building strong, sustainable bridges interconnecting it all. And for this reason, you probably already know Marshall Rosenberg—he is a big proponent of the "I feel" statements, which are a surprisingly powerful communication and connection tool.
I, at least, associated the phrase with 90s sitcom impersonations of couples in therapy, so I wasn't really sure what it was about or how I felt about it. Really thinking through the process and the details behind it with Mr. Rosenberg though, solidly cemented my understanding and appreciation of this tool.
Not only are we, each and every one of us, stepping up and courageously and confidently taking the wheel of our emotions, but we are also clearly expressing, articulating and reminding each other of both the positive and negative consequences and experiences left in the wake of Choice.
We also recognize that we have some amount of choice and control in our emotions—we largely get to choose how we react and how we feel. And when we feel it more strongly, that is our spiritual/intellectual nervous system alerting us that something is off—a metaphysical phalange is on a hot stove or we've just stubbed and extrasensory toe—there's something going on that needs to be recognized, articulated and resolved. So for this reason, every emotion is something to be celebrated!
Even furthermore—we recognize that what we are feeling is precisely that, a feeling—and we become conscious and are reminded of the fact that we are separate from our feelings. Our feelings come and go and dart and swell and spark and sparkle and ignite and glow—withIN and throughout and among us—but we are separate from them, we are more than just those fleeting feelings, sensations—we encompass them and experience them and channel and manage them to benefit and grow.
But beyond even the powerful ownership of emotion and Choice and the numinous nervous system into which we're infinitely interwoven—even beyond all that, there is also the reinforced opportunity to actually, intellectually and spiritually connect with the other participant in the conversation. Instead of coming in hard and strong, encouraging others to pull up bridges in defense, we give each other the room and respect to respond, explore and articulate. Together we navigate the unknown—together we crew the Ships of the Imagination on the Great High Seas of Reality.
